some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
