I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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