We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
