All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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