just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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