I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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