I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
