I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
