If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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