a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
