Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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