So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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