I love black thongs
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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