Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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