Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
