Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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