If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
