Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
