ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
