literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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