her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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