turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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