Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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