getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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