Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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