Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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