If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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