I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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