First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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