suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
