Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
