what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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