Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
