theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
