I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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