He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
