I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
