ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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