The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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