dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
