i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
