I want to stick my p in your. b.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
