Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
