i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
