A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
