Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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