just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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