Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
