He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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