I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
