This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
