I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
