He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
