i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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