so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
