i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
