We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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