i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
