Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
