you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
