you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just had sex on a roof
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
