i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
