My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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