Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
