I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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